Hiya! How you Doin'?

I told you Facebook would take over my life.

Very good friends of ours recently had twins, a boy and a girl. And all of you 2 or 3 readers should know by now about our big loss our first go around. The twins.

Anyway, when we went to see these new little buggers and their parents in the hospital, the husband noted that it was sort of hard for him. I rushed in with how much we love our current children, who would never be if the pregnancy loss hadn't happened. He pointed out, quite correctly, that it's more of a unexpected reaction--like PTSD. It's complicated. We love our family (whose the shrink in this relationship?), yet these reactions happen sometimes.

I thought it was interesting that I had actually not had a hard time with our friends’ situation. After all, this friend, who has a 4-year-old boy, lost a pregnancy at 23 weeks in-between her 4 year old and these little ones. She lost a baby girl, and merely a few months later we delivered, safely and happily, baby O. I remember when she lost her pregnancy; one of things she said was that she felt she lost her chance at "her girl". I thought of that when baby O was born. Our friend and husband dutifully came over and saw baby O. They gave us gifts. They made us food. They acted happy for us, and I think they were. Yet I know it couldn’t have been easy. Really, I never begrudged this friend her twins.

I ran into them at the doctor's office where I work and where their pediatrician works. They told a story about their parents of twins group and how all the parents were feeling so special because they had twins. And I remembered that. At least that extra special pregnancy feeling because we had 2 in there. And it stung a little. Funny that the story was actually to criticize the people in their parents group since they love their son, and already feel that having a child at all is special enough.But whatever. I had the reaction.

Still, I don’t envy their life right now. I don't relish those sleepless nights--brutal nights combined with a feeling like there is no end in site. I don't wish for their situation. And I have to say; the twin thing in this city is a little out of control. One friend refers to her neighborhood as "clomid nation". There are multiples everywhere. It’s not so unique these days—that’s right, I have to make it sort of lame to have twins in order to feel better about myself. Will I be totally healed when I don’t do that? I’ll admit that when my snarky “Clomid nation” friend said that, I said, "totally!" But if you happen to be a parent of twins, please know I am just jealous.

So...I don't know what the point of this post is except to say that I once again had an opportunity to say "hi!!" to our loss. I know better than to be surprised, but somehow I always am. The silver lining is that it also gives me an opportunity to say “hi!” to how lucky we are. And we are. Dare I say it, but with baby O nearly 10 months old and Mr. Q going on 2 1/2 , life feels almost manageable. More than manageable. Happy, happy!