A Wash
We did all the research. We conducted the interviews. We met Supernanny. We called her references. They raved. It's a done deal. I crunched the numbers (why not do this beforehand you ask? I have no idea. Some sort of denial mechanism, I think.) It appears that I am going to be paying Suppernanny for the pleasure of working. What I mean is, the income doesn't cover the nanny. Not entirely anyway. The day we hired her I aslo read a parents message board where neighborhood parents poo pooed nanny's and sung the praises of daycare. Socialization and all that. Daycare happens to be much cheaper--with daycare, I could possibly be bringing in some cash, like a dollar fifty an hour! Forget it. I am DONE. For the first 6 months of work while the baby is still an infant, we will pay the big bucks for supernanny. We do get our benefits from my job, what with the husband working for himself. And as I found, evidenced my my pregnancies, the healthcare counts as something pretty major. Still, I deluded myself into thinking that I would be contributing something more financially to our family and it is harder to justify going back when I see how expensive childcare is in this damn hippy town. Now I cling to the healthcare like it's a million dollars "if not for me...we'd have NO healthcare!" Imagine emphatic nodding as I say prior sentence. Reality, which I am firmly ignoring, tells me with a little effort we do have other possible options to resolve how to get benefits if I couldn't provide them. But I have to feel like working is good for something! Ah yes. Once again, knowing Supernanny is a total wash is an opportunity to figure out if I really want it. I still come out feeling like it's a good decision for now. It is 20 hours a week and while I don't necessarily feel like I need to go back now, I think I will want the option of working later. I encounter this nagging instinct that if I stop, it will be hard to ever go back, and I think I want to keep abreast of life in my career world enough to keep my hand in the pot. So, I am keeping up my 20 hours--banking them now for the future career woman I intend to be.
The funny thing is that when people used to come back to my job after having kids, freaking like me, I totally thought they were uptight and insane. Now I am them. Lucky me!
posted by KMW @ 9:06 AM
9 Comments:
I totally feel for you! Child care is really crazy expensive, and so many of the incentives of going back to work are wiped out when you factor in the cost. I think the fact that we actually have a choice whether or not to go back is what makes it so agonizing. Take it a day at a time, and I'm sure everything will work out for the best!
Yeah, in the same boat here. My reasoning was similar to yours-- I'm working part time to maintain the career I worked so hard to build up and keep my options open for the future. In my field at least, it is definitely harder to go back full time if there's a big hole in your resume. So, I work to pay for child care. We went the small, in-home child care option: a woman in the neighborhood who used to run a big day care, retired, missed the babies, and now watches two to four under-3-year-olds in her home. She's fabulous. Turned out to be an excellent source of parenting tips for me.
Well, hopefully supernanny will not turn out to be a headline in the newspaper. Get a nannycam. Hope that career is nice because your little one's "first's" are just that. Get your supernanny a good video camera, so you know what your missing.
Jada Sanders
SAHM to 3
Hi Jada Sanders? You need to get a life. Why bring your passive agressive b.s. and obvious personal problems to someone else's comment section? This is a very personal and very difficult decision that every woman has to make FOR HERSELF. If you don't have something supportive to say, why not just keep it to yourself.
what. ever.
You do what is best for you and your baby! I'm rooting for you either way. I feel like we have this connection going through similar things at the same time. This is just another step along the way. Don't let the trolls get you down;)
How is that passive agressive? She already harbors the realization that this may not be best for the baby. Give it more thought. We are all entitled to our opinion. It is very easy to offer support but those of you not is support of this are not speaking up. If there wasn't guilt there it would not be posted in such a self-questioning way. Maybe it is time to think of someone other than yourself? Maybe this is aggressive. Unfortunately the baby can't speak for himself. "Mommy, please don't leave me with a complete stranger. I will miss you. What if she watches T.V. while I cry, leaves my diaper wet because she is reading a book, what if she warms my milk in the microwave and it burns my mouth. How will I tell you?"
Just trying to get parents to parent, one parent at a time!
JS
JS-It is the words you type and how you put them together that is passive agressive, self righteous and judgmental. You choose to hurt someone you don't even know by preying on every human being's worst fears. Why? In the guise of having another opinion and trying to get "parents to parent". Sorry, but that dog just don't hunt. I do know her and guess what, of course there is questioning and doubt, that is because K is an intelligent, thoughtful and sensative person, that's what those types do. She is someone who would NEVER purposefully and so pointedly attack someone where they are most vunerable, their children. You have every right to your opinion, but when you express it in a way meant to scare someone into agreeing with you, or hurt them because their's differs from yours, you are wrong. There are good mothers and bad, that stay at home and that work. K will be the best mom because she will teach her child not to judge, and to act out of love not fear.
JS I can tell you that for the most part, people take care of children because they love children. It is not a high paying job. In fact, quite the opposite. All of my work has been in the child care field and I didn't get paid well for any of it, but I ALWAYS took care of the children the best that I could. I am planning on taking care of a couple kids in addition to mine. Because I am a child care provider does that automatically make me incompetent and uncaring and unable to provide proper, LOVING care to a child that is not my own? Of course not! KMW has done her research; I am sure called references and done background checks to find someone she feels she can trust. Just because she is different than you doesn't mean she's not a parent (or not parenting). I find your post VERY judgmental. Quinn is well taken care of and loved. Get off your high horse and try to put yourself in someone else's shoes.
OMG!!! What a nasty, mean and hateful person you are, JS! I certainly hope you aren't teaching your children that there's value in judging and belittling others so carelessly and hurtfully--if so, perhaps they'd be better off with a nanny.
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