Guess Where I Am Not?

I am not in the hospital! This whole thing is very confusing, and I am going back to my original theory (not necessarily ever mentioned in blog before) that with any pregnancy monitored so closely, even the lowest risk, there would be several possible maybe “issues” which women normally never know about because they get, like one ultrasound their whole pregnancy. Is that me? I don't know. Past history says no, but every doctor likes to point out, "it might have just been a twin thing". If this one goes all the way to term, they'll still never know if it is because of the cerclage, the twin thing, the bedrest or what. But my newest attitude is that, once again, everything is FINE.

For whatever reason, the radiologist today thought that the cervix did not have a "dimple" of funneling, and that it measured 3.6 wonderful centimeters long. She even went so far as to say that the funneling from Monday might just have been "muscular." I don't know anymore, I’m not even sure what that means. I just know that I am happily back home.

I truly do have the perinatologist I love, and who I love to hate. She has this way of bursting my bubbles all the time under the guise of good medical care. Here is today’s bubble burst: She is telling me that this is all wonderful and what great news etc. when she says, "Maybe the trendelenburg worked." The "trendelenburg,” for those of you who don’t know, is the name of the horrible daytime position (mentioned in last weeks episode of ER, by the way) the doctor has kept me in for the last few days. I call it the "tingly feet headache" position, because it entails my feet in the air and my head towards the ground in an effort to have gravity help my incompetent self. The minute she suggests that this is why I am doing well, I know that this lovely position will continue. And Gold bless her, she said, at least 4 times during this conversation, how having a baby between 24 and 26 weeks is the worst time and I know that in her mind that if I need to hang by my toes for two weeks to avoid that, I very well should do it. Once again, she has my best interest in mind. Hence, she is a bubble burster who still won’t let me sit up.

I wonder if her feelings would change were she there to witness my 1am elbows and knees fit last night. This fit (last night was its grand entry) is when the hips and shoulders feel so tender from lying on them 24 hours a day, the patient (me) starts blubbering to the husband that it "hurts too much" and decides to adopt some weird version of childs pose as an acceptable bedrest position. I figure that gravity is still working in the direction she wants since my butt is squarely in the air, and my head is surely below my hips. It is really quite attractive, actually.

Doctor says she wants me to keep tredelenburging at least until our usual Monday ultrasound. This will not get me down, though. I have renewed energy for this shit. When I got the funneling news, the idea of going into the hospital didn't seem that bad. It really didn't. Suddenly, the safety of this pregnancy/baby automatically became the most important thing and I knew I would feel safer there. This is a large difference to previous feelings about hospital bedrest, which included phrases like, “that would suck SO BAD.” Plus, even if I have to stay this way till 36 weeks, that is only 12 more weeks. And even I know that isn’t forever.