I Love my Cervix and I am Keeping It

What is an incompetent cervix to do in this situation but chose to change its mind and act competently? When I spoke to the doctor, she made it clear that there is nothing to do but what I am already doing. We will have no new cerclage because the process alone can start another process, which I am desperately trying to avoid--pre-term labor (isn't everything in this horribly complicated pregnancy about avoiding PTL?). Has the stitch actually torn, lowered, "walked down the cervix"? It’s hard to tell from ultrasound, but my doctor doesn't really care because, as she put it, "the stitches could be hanging off the end of your cervix and I still would not recommend another cerclage." No, ladies and gentleman, bedrest, my old friend, is my only hope. Actually, bedrest and that my cervix continues to behave itself. And, it turns out that we have a fairly good prognosis for a behaving cervix. I will not have another surgery.

What I will do is vent about some of my well-meaning friends in the on-line world. I made the mistake of posting a question about my diagnosis on an on-line forum about incompetent cervix.

I know that if you are diagnosed with this it is scary and upsetting and that pregnancy is an endurance test of anxiety, close calls, bedrest and all the other emotional and physical ups and downs. Believe me I know. I acknowledge even reading my question back I could see how people have that sense of "this one doesn't sound too good" and maybe a guilty "glad it isn't me" response. A lot of women on these sites have lost pregnancies around this time (22 weeks), and I am sure the idea that their stitch wouldn’t hold is a terrible notion to even consider. For many of us, the stitch feels like your only hope you won't have another loss. That said, this is the situation I am in and I need to figure out how to be okay with it.

After hearing all the risks of another cerclage placement, when the cervix is doing great on its own, I wouldn't want to try going through the process of a new cerclage. Not to mention that I have now spoken to 3 perinatologists who agree that it is a mistake at this late stage. I feel good about these professionals, it’s not like I am living in the middle of nowhere. This is San Francisco for godsake (forgive snobby tone; I am in the middle of a vent).

The point is, I made the mistake of posting this question about stitch situation, and I got back a bunch of "I am very worried for you and your baby" type replies. ONE woman said something positive about how great it is that I am nearly 22 weeks without changes and nearly 4cm long. She also mentioned other women on the site whose stitches tore and who are doing well (one actually being induced today). I single out this one nice lady and sincerely say, thank you. Everyone else just made me feel alarmed and worse.

I posted for support, received all these negative responses, and then cried big tears all evening while I tried to figure out how I might handle another loss. Then, the next day, more research, which led to more reassurance and I was in a good space (did you know it is very rare for this to happen with a singleton after twins? Also, the danger period tends to be from 16-22 weeks. No funneling yet is a good, good sign).

I have decided to take a break from these forums while I am in the scary zone since, so far, they feeling they inspire is dread that I won’t make it another day. The problem is that they sort of call to me while I am online lying around all day. It's like a morbid curiosity. I don't want to look at a car accident when I drive by, but I just can't help myself. I know it will make me feel bad and scared to hear about losses and complications, but I can't help going to these message boards.

Ah yes. This is a day in the life of an incompetent cervix.