Bad! Online Shopping is Bad!

I never was really one to shop online. I am actually not much of a shopper at all. I hate trying on clothes, dealing with stores, sales associates and the time out it takes from doing other things. I inevitably feel badly about my body or that I don't have enough nice shoes/make-up/skin products to look my best, evidenced, of course by all the products out there begging me to buy them. That is not to say that I don't enjoy new clothes and like it when I feel put together. In fact, I often feel that I'd be better off if I made a bit more effort. I wouldn't have that feeling of my "cute" shirts being two years old, and somehow feeling slightly off in my outfits based in my limited home selection. I also hate spending the money. The point is, shopping is not really my thing.

However, while stuck here in bed I decided I needed a few new things because I was having weird feelings about my old maternity clothes from the previous pregnancy. Online shopping seemed the way to go to get a few basics. It started with a pair of Gap maternity jeans. No biggy, right? Then, some t-shirts I know I like from another store (extra long). Then I remembered a baby gift (actually I needed to get two baby gifts for recent parents) and I found that you can find baby gifts online really easily! Presto! While the computer was up, why not a few more books, I was almost out of what I had at home. A quick trip to Amazon and that was done. Okay, oh! Now that I don't go to prenatal yoga, I decided I really needed some props at home. Like my own bolster and yoga blanket. It was so easy to find yoga accessories online! I was in a daze, and seemed to have no plans to slow down as all sorts of things poped into my head that I suddenly needed.

My husband walked in. I was waving my credit card in the air with a wild look in my eye as I concentrated on typing my credit card number on some web site. He looked at me curiously, "what's going on?" I was uncertain. I was ashamed. I said in a small voice, "I did a little shopping today." I confessed to everything. He laughed at me, nice guy that he is. He took it in stride (truth is, he knows we are spending a lot less with me home in bed—even though my disability only pays me 60% of my salary—and he wants me to feel there are areas I am NOT deprived) I laughed, uncertainly, at myself. Who was that crazy shopper?

Here's the thing. I know that maybe I shouldn't have. But I have to say, since the shopping event? It's like, PRESENTS kept coming for me. They’re dropped off right at my front door. All I am saying is I see why people get addicted to this kind of thing. It is BAD. BAD! Luckily, once out of the trance, I have managed to stay away from those web sites and stuck, mostly, to my email when online.

Tomorrow is cervix check. Let’s hope that all continues to go well. I have a new fear. Since the twins were twins, there was a lot more weight than a single baby at 19 weeks. Even now, at 20 weeks and 3 days, I look less pregnant than I did when I was 19 weeks and pregnant with twins. In fact, I was measuring a month ahead in terms of size (something common with multiples). Therefore, when I lost my pregnancy at 19 weeks, I was actually the size of someone 24 weeks. So now, I think that I need to get to 24 weeks before I can at all feel like maybe we are through some of the danger zone. It’s just like me to find a way to worry! I’ll have to ask my doctor about this issue….