Fatty Fat Fatty
I had a post on Quinn's amazing two-monthness. I also had a great post about how brave he was during vaccinations. I had another breast feeding post (I still think it's a pain in the ass) and I could do a very cute Halloween post. I am not doing a Halloween post because, as cute as he was in his pumpkin hat, it's not really what's on the brain. The other posts, they are lost to time gone by.
What's on the brain these days? I will just say it. I hate being fat. I know, 2 1/2 months post partum don't expect much, it takes time, yadda yadda yadda. A long time ago, I was a normal girl. Then I got pregnant with twins, lost the pregnancy in September a year ago at 19 weeks. I was pregnant again two and half months later, this time with an extra 10 pounds from the previous pregnancy. Add 40 pounds and 6 months on bedrest and tada!! There is a new me wondering around compliments of this last year, and I am not so psyched with my new physique. Luckily, I don't own a scale (because I would be on it 10 times a day if I did), so I have no idea where I am now in terms of weight gain (or weight loss).
I don't care about all the disclaimers, it just sort of sucks to not be able to fit into any of my old clothes. When I am able to get to a yoga class or try a run, I have lost so much muscle mass, and my body responds in such strange ways to previously known entities that it all feels a little defeating. I have the new body I don't like, and the inability to enjoy excercising like I used too. It's a bummer.
I know that other people can relate to this. I have never gone down the eating disorder path, but I admit to having some lifelong body image issues (leftover from high school, I am sure) that rear their ugly heads in times like this. And maybe I am wrong, but show me a woman who grew up in this country without any, and I will be very impressed. I hate being fat.
posted by KMW @ 9:35 AM
4 Comments:
aww, I really, really know the feeling. I did have an eating disorder for several years, and it was hard to get out of. Even though I am down to what I was before preg. my body is not shaped the same at all. It's hard to get back in shape too. Ummm, exercise? What's that?
I know how you feel. I had 2 pregnancies back to back. I still had 15 extra pounds from #1 when I got pregnant with #2. Now, I have 30 pounds to lose and my body shape is all screwed up.
My sis thinks that after you have a baby, you should magically leave the hospital with the body of a model.
Yay! You're back! I haven't checked in for awhile, clearly.
I too can relate. Miscarriage comfort eating-- gained nearly 10 pounds. First half of pregnancy-- gained too much but didn't care. Second half of pregnancy-- bedrest, including a massive loss of muscle plus a new serious relationship with See's candies. The result ain't pretty.
My daughter is now nearing fourteen months and I'm finally getting serious about getting this off. What did it for me was seeing photos of myself from her first birthday party. That's not what I look like in my head. It took me almost a year to stop feeling joint pain from the bedrest.
OK, I'll stop hogging your blog now.
I found you by googling "fat from bedrest" so I know you are a kindred spirit...I hear you loud and clear and I don't mean to sound whiny. I am 28 weeks, on bedrest the last 8 weeks and will be for the rest of time...I just saw a photo of myself and I swear I saw triple chins and I am seriously freaked out. I know, I know, plenty of people who mean well say "You can't worry about it til after baby"...and blah blah blah...but this is #2 and after #1 the weight was really hard to get off til I stopped b'fing...Thinking of you is all I can say. We will get there and we will be fine, but it's really demoralizing to go from pregnant girl who everyone loves to being just another fat chick carrying a car seat carrier around. My fragile little ego can't take it either.
Take care of yourself
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