The Latest and Greatest

I have to admit to no blogging inspiration lately. Even now I am forcing myself to get something up because it's been too long. Far too long.

I am (finally) over not lifting and carrying the little man. For one thing, I can spend a lot more time with him alone now that he is walking. The hours I need to have him with the nanny are slightly fewer. Not much fewer, but shorter enough that I feel a LOT better about my time with him. I also understand now that he really enjoys his time with his pals and with his nanny. I have multiple instances to use as evidence of this new understanding, but suffice to say, the kid is happy. What more can a mother want? It’s true what Peri said when she told me this would be way worse on me than on him.

It also helps that I like my job a lot lately. It's good for me, if I can't be with Q, to have something that makes me feel like I add value in some way. This is me we are talking about. When I first learned I couldn’t lift Quinn did I tell myself this circumstance was beyond my control and not my fault? Nope. My most critical self was sneering, “You are a failure as a mother! You can’t even care for your own child!” Luckily I have other voices too (not actual voices! I’m not psychotic!) which disarm that yucky one. Still, given my makeup, I know that my work life helps to mitigate the evil sneer voice. And since my hours are reduced, I never work more than 5 hours a day. Very manageable. OMG if I were on bed rest I would be such a catastrophe. An honest to god horrible catastrophe of horridness.

Finally, the very good news is that we had an ultrasound today and my cervix, at nearly 21 weeks of cooking, measures 3.7cm, long and closed!!! Woohhoo!! Jump up and down! Only a person with my history finds it necessary to write my cervical length as the most important news of my ultrasound.

We actually found out a few weeks ago, but it was confirmed again today that I’m having a girl. I am thrilled, but I truly didn’t care. I grew up with 4 brothers, no sisters. I love Quinn with all my heart. Boys are fine with me. But did I mention I am thrilled? I am.