I'm Too Sensitive

For my job! Thank God it ends soon. Next week is my last week. I wish my last day were tomorrow. Last week was very intense. Intense is often a part of my work. It's just that now I am ill equipped to manage it. Hearing of terrible domestic violence, or poverty or, and this was unusual, a baby who died in intensive care...it is just too much. I'm too affected. Of course because I work in pediatrics there are always children involved. I just can't see their little faces and know some of the sad, sad truths about their lives right now. I sound very dramatic because, honestly, I often find my patients inspiring and I encounter a lot of hope at work. But as I said, I'm too sensitive these days. It’s funny how these aspects of pregnancy do turn out to be true. I cry at nothing. Everyone says you're more sensitive, but for some reason now, at the very end, it is really happening in a way I can really see. I don't often well up in tears because a patient tells me they're having trouble paying their rent. I'm serious. That happened. I shouldn't be interacting with these people anymore.

Monday night I slept very badly. On Tuesday my husband all but forced me to call in sick. It was a great idea. I had just finished reading The Other Boleyn Girl, which as far as I can tell, is one step above a trashy novel. It was sort of like a soap opera--everyone having sex and backstabbing each other. It was great. I'm back to my usual inability to read anything serious during pregnancy. Yesterday I went to the 11:45am showing of the movie. It stunk but that’s probably because after just reading the book I was bound to be disappointed. Still, the guilty pleasure aspect of going to a stupid movie after reading a stupid book wasn't lost. I needed it. Afterwards I picked up Q and spent the afternoon with him which was lovely, especially because I was well rested and in good spirits. Today back at work and my heart is not in it. My last day is Thursday the 27th.

It can't come soon enough.