Hillary Vs. Obama

What is a girl to do?

Let me start by acknowledging that I am proudly registered as a Democrat. Are you surprised? No, I don’t think so. Clue #1: I am a social worker. There aren’t that many Republicans as among us (I’m not saying that it's true across the board,it's just mostly true across the board). Clue #2: I live in San Francisco. There are not many Republicans among us, either. Put those two truths together and really, there is no doubt. Lest I go on an anti-Republican rant (you’re not all homophobic, racist people, right? You just support policies that turn out that way….) Shit. I ranted right there in the parenthesis. Sorry. Here I go again. Lest I go on an anti-Republican rant, let me get to the real point of this post.

I cannot decide between Obama and Senator Clinton. I fear I will be flipping a coin on Feb 5th to make this major decision between two worthy candidates. Here’s the rub. I like Obama better, but I do not want to like Obama better. Why not? Because I can’t believe that in America, the land of opportunity, the land of the free, the land of anything can happen in this country if we work hard enough—that in this country, we have shamefully, yes I wag my finger at us, shamefully, never elected a woman as a president of the United States. It is outrageous. Pakistan managed to do it and we haven’t?? WTF?

Here we are with a viable female candidate, one whose politics I generally agree with and whom I do believe would be a strong leader and yet…and yet I am about to vote for the guy. I am trying so hard not too. At first I just thought it was some societal sexism I have from growing up in our culture. Really, if there is something I can’t stand it is when women (like my mom, actually) just shake their heads and say, “I just don’t like her. There is something about her.” I hate it because I find it so small minded. But I also know what they mean. I wonder do we not like her because she seems cold, ambitious and power-hungry? And are these traits we would even notice in a man? Would I wonder if a man going for arguably the most powerful position in the world was “power-hungry?” I generally celebrate the differences between men and women and am very glad for my lack of testosterone, but there is a part of me that must ask if I am off-put by Hillary because she exhibits qualities that I am not traditionally used to seeing in a woman. Hence, I wonder if I am sexist. Then I decided. Nah.

Hillary has a sucky personality. My evidence is Madeline Albright. When I hear or see hear interviewed, I hang on her every word. I find her inspiring and powerful and truly admirable and not cold and robotic. I love Madeline. I’m down with women in power.

I have been watching the speeches after each primary. Time and time again, I watch Hillary (who I notice I refer to by her first name, and let the men have the respect of their last names. Maybe I am sexist after all) and I am unmoved. I want to be moved. But I am not. When Obama gave his speech after South Carolina, I was crying. Tears!! The husband walked in on me blubbering “Yes we can!” When Obama speaks, I listen. I want to take action. I totally buy into the whole thing. Change!! I simply have a stronger response to Obama. Plus, there is the pesky issue of the nepotism. How can we say this is a country for all if we end up having a Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton White House?

Don’t get me wrong. If Clinton wins the nomination, I will surely happily vote for her and shamelessly insist all women should do the same. But right now, my heart is with Obama!! Yes we can!!! I guess I am not torn after all.