A List of Complaints!

Day 3 in the hovel and it is superbad. Not in a Super Bad "I'm a bad motherfucker way" like Samual Jackson's wallet, but in a super NOT GOOD kind of way. I'm not sure why I didn't realize that we would also have to pack up all of our belongings with the issue of the new paint and new floors, but after talking to the contractor yesterday, it became clear a long night was ahead of us. The husband and I stayed packing till 11. Q was with his Granny, recently renamed "Nanny", his version of "Granny." Honestly, I can't think of a more appropriate nickname for her since he is with her ALL THE TIME and she has become our nanny of sorts. Actually, she is trying to steal my child! No, no, she is a big help (insert self-conscious laugh and a “where did that come from?” here). She is totally a big help to us, and also, she wants to steal my child. Um, just kidding. She is a big help (steal child!)

The other night we were at her place, and Q was having a little meltdown as I helped him into his PJ's. She walked in and of course up when his arms and "Up!" said his little voice. She whisked him right out of my lap. He looked down at pathetic mommy, who remained sprawled on the floor, calmly and without the recent tears. Nanny held out her hand for his PJ bottoms and matter of factly said, “I’ll do it." I imagined myself morphing into a tiger, as I roared “No you will NOT. Give me my child, you thief!" But what did I do? I dumbly handed her the PJ bottoms. I'm sure you've figured out by now that this grandmother is not my mother. Had it been my mom I would have just said, "Go away, Mom. I got it." I'd say it with an eye roll and in a totally irritated tone. It's so unfair how I tend to revert to the obnoxious teenager with her. Poor Mom. But that's another post....

The real truth is that Nanny (husband's mom) is a very, very nice dedicated grandmother and usually very careful about undermining the husband and me as parents. In normal times, I feel extremely lucky to have her so actively involved in his life. I can't lift the baby and he needed to be hoisted up to calm down. I'm sure she was trying to be helpful knowing my limitations right now. I am just going through some emotional moods as I encounter the very end of my rope.

Knowing that these are my last 10 (9?8?) weeks with baby Q before Miss Thang comes along, and wracked with guilt over why we are doing something that means extra stress on him when we are about to bring extra stress on him with Miss T's arrival AND when I already feel like I can't do so many things for him...whatever. I can clearly go on for hours. Exhausted and overwhelmed, I find myself in tears at least once a day. The not sleeping probably isn’t helping, either.

Of course I hit a low tonight feeding Q "dinner." We forgot pots and pans, so we have nothing to heat the eggs, beans, pasta and other warm things we brought (cheap pots and pans will be purchased tomorrow) from home. Pickings were slim in the fridge. Little Q got Cheerios for dinner. And there was something about that, feeding him cold Cheerios, which I found totally depressing. Especially since the hovel is pretty freakin' depressing on its own.

You guys SAID I could complain. Oh, wait!! Good news! I will end on a good happy note.

I had an appointment with Dr. Cerclage today. Ultrasound showed cervix over 4cm. Dr. C was very pleased. His eyes twinkled with joy as he congratulated himself on his great stitch. Dr. Cerclage really is an original. I congratulated myself and he congratulated himself. Win win. I will be 31 weeks Friday☺