My Cerclage

In September 2005, I was pregnant with twin girls. I lost my pregnancy at 19 weeks apparently due to my "incompetent cervix." I became pregnant again and wrote all about it on this blog. I now have a wonderful son. Since bed rest, anxiety and cerclage were so much fun, I've decided to do it all again.....

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

My Life in Exercise

Running today I was thinking about exercise. This might be boring. Who really cares about my musings on exercise? But whatever. Isn't this a whole thing a narcissistic anyway? My blog? If I wrote nice birthday milestones for my kids I could try to say it was about them, but since O's bday post had a virtual pat on my back...not so much.

ANYWAY, I am writing my ode to my two and only forms of exercise, running and yoga.Not that I don’t go months at a time with no exercise but when I do exercise, which is more often than not, I actually think a great deal about it.

I cannot deal with a gym. I won’t explain, but it will NEVER happen for me. These two work for me. My fist yoga class was in 1999. I really cannot believe it’s been ten years of (very sporadic at times) yoga.

Running…well, that’s a part of me. I was on varsity (bragging!) track in 7th grade. I’ve been running as long as I can remember. It’s true! I have “running camp” stories ala “band camp.” Sigh. I LOVED running camp.

This is what I was musing about today. I notice that when I am in a running mode, I sort of hate yoga and when I am in yoga mode, I am all down on running. Right now I am big on running. Running is so fantastic. OUTSIDE is the big draw. I cannot fathom spending nearly two hours in a hot room with San Francisco yogis--their tattoos and their bangs and their fancy yoga clothes. All that hugging and smiling. Gag me with a spoon. Also, let’s be honest, no matter how vigorous a class, it can’t match the cardiac pumping of a good run. There’s a reason people want the “heart of a runner.” Plus the freakin' time suck. Driving to class, class, driving home. It can be a 2 1/2 hour deal sometimes.

There is an actual canyon with trails in it near my house. When I am in the back of the canyon running, smelling the earth pretending I don’t live in a city, it is so beautiful. There are so many days when it is foggy. I feel chilled to my bones before leaving the house, but I force myself out and find I have these moments of such unbelievable splendor—especially if all I can hear is my feet rhythmically moving. It is the smell of earth amd fresh air that move me most (I was talking to a friend about how I don’t “match” with my Virgo astrological sign. But it is an earth sign, and when I run, the damp earth smell, more than anything else, is what gets me). I always come back from a run energized.

But inevitably, my muscles start to tighten, even sitting here right now my shoulders and back ache. I never stretch enough when I am running. The pounding starts to feel…well wrong. My body is not flowing. It is stuck all over. Once I feel that way, I drag myself back to yoga for some good old-fashioned healing and whole body care. There have been times in yoga when I’ve been in the midst of some heart opener, and a thoughtful instructor is playing the perfect music and holy shit, suddenly I am crying because I am so grateful for my life. I love the elastic feel of my body after a good yoga class. It is wonderful.

After I ran the marathon (nearly 10 yrs ago—lame me still bragging) I felt so wrong afterwords that I did nothing but yoga for 6 months. I just needed to be told what to do and metaphorically held and healed by this wonderful instructor. I needed to be still.

Finally though, one day, I had a bad day at work. It was time to let out some steam. It was still not quite spring and it was nighttime. The air had some bite (I was living in Brooklyn), but it was so fresh. I walked into my apartment and dragged out my running shoes.

It was time to fly.


Blogger Michele said...

I miss running. Before I got married, I ran quite a bit. But then I traded in my sneaks for a yoga mat and taught yoga for several years. Now, well, now I'm just focused on being pregnant and getting a cerclage next week! I'm not doing anything, save having my butt glued to the couch. But I often tell myself that one day, I'll run again... Right after I do some yoga. :)

4:56 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I love this post!

I hear you about the canyon. I miss it. Not that I ever ran (I am like the opposite of a runner) but the whole smelling the earth thing really gets me.

Of course the blogs are narcissistic. But in a good way, right?

3:28 PM  
Blogger Echloe said...

I found your blog by googling IC. I lost my baby girl a month ago due to IC and am thinking about trying again and therefore getting a cerclage. I just read some of your old posts and wanted to say that it gives me so much hope that you got through this and went on to have 2 kids after loosing your twins. I'm so sorry for your loss by the way.

4:52 PM  

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