Cheating?

I want to cheat! I want to cheat so badly. Forget it if I said anything positive about managing my house arrest. It's a familiar post now. I should just repost any of my several earlier posts about bedrest. Why bother writing anything new. It all boils down to the same damn thing: I hate bedrest.

Cervix check went really well. I feel like I shouldn't complain. We are still long, and the "microfunneling" appears to have disappeared for now. Baby is growing well, making his presence known all the time. I was so thrilled after our appointment that I rushed home to contact the peri to establish my previous level of activity: sitting up and an extra outing when already out for appointments. But I was foiled again!!! She is letting me out of the evil trendelenberg, but she still wants me to lie down as much as possible, and I just...I hate it! If she had something about having a baby between 24 and 26 weeks being the worst time, I would have reached through the phone and throttled her. She didn't. But I could hear her thinking it.

I feel some guilt around this. Am I not looking out for the best interest of my baby? I feel like I should be so grateful that all appears to be going well. I really am making my way through the risk period and, you know, it’s not about me. Shouldn’t I have baby’s best interest in mind like peri does? But all I want to do is cheat! No, like, thank god my husband is more of a fretter than me does not support cheating. If he gives me a glimpse of weakness and starts to act like he thinks going for ice cream is a good idea, then we are gone. He is nothing to my bedrest rage! I will squash him if he shows an inkling of waver. We would be in the car now--now, in the riskiest time ever. And I don't care, because, clearly, I am going insane.

I am almost 25 weeks, about 3 weeks to go till 28. But mark my words. That peri is still going to find a way to keep me down. I just know it!