Some Perspective Please!

Sorry for abandoning my blog! I have no excuse, other than I don't spend all day in front of the computer anymore, so I am not taking the time to carefully craft my blog entries as a way to kill the day.

I was reflecting on my last post, and I decided, actually soon after I wrote all that, that some perspective is greatly needed. The weather cooled, the chafing went away, and the fatigue...well, it's still there, but it is manageable. I noticed that things weren't so bad when I was attending Guru's pre-natal yoga class. Not the one where she comes to my house to help me stretch, but the one in the outside world where tons 'o' preggers go to soak up the vibes.

Guru, being her Guru self does something in class that a previous version of me would find worthy of a hearty eye-roll. But for some reason, I am totally cultified to Guru’s ways and love this part of class. She begins class after an Om or two with a birth story she recently witnessed, or some other experience involving strength or support or some such theme. After she tells her story she asks us to go around the room, introduce ourselves, tell how many weeks, what we want to work on AND tell something about our own experience of strength or support or whatever the theme is in her story. A few weeks ago, I think I might have felt distanced from my pregnant yoga friends--maybe that I am different, that my experience is not something others can relate too. But as time goes by, I am noticing a few reactions that don’t gel with feeling so very different from everyone else.

One is that I really appreciate where I am, and have stopped begrudging everyone else their pregnancies. I must be the only woman in the middle of her 36th week who feels better than 10 weeks earlier. These women are all complaining about how tired they are and how the last month is so hard and they wish the baby would just COME! I am sitting there thinking that my shoulders don't hurt anymore since I now can stretch them out. It’s nice to not feel like the one suffering, and for some reason that gives me this ability to feel empathy for their experience.

The other unexpected realization I have, listening to all these stories, is that I maybe am not so special. Turns out everyone has a story. As time has gone by I have learned of multiple miscarriages, desperate IVF attempts and met women who are pregnant, terrified and thrilled. In a word, they are as much a mess as I ever was. I understand now that assuming everyone is flying through pregnancy risk free while I have been chosen for my tragedy is simply not accurate. Pregnancy and birth is tricky—and that’s an understatement of a lifetime. If Guru saw this she would beam with approval as I say, in all sincerity, I am very grateful to be where I am.