My Cerclage

In September 2005, I was pregnant with twin girls. I lost my pregnancy at 19 weeks apparently due to my "incompetent cervix." I became pregnant again and wrote all about it on this blog. I now have a wonderful son. Since bed rest, anxiety and cerclage were so much fun, I've decided to do it all again.....

Thursday, March 12, 2009


This weekend, for the first time EVER, the husband and I are going away--NO KIDS. We are going to LA. Sort of random, right? The husband has to go there for work on Friday already, and I've never been. That's right. I've lived in California for many years, and have never been to LA in my life. People think that's strange. I think, why? Why would I ever go to LA? I don't go there for work, and usually, a weekend away includes going away from the city not towards a big smoggy one. Plus, I'm from NY so I get my big city fix at least once a year. It's not like LA is close to SF. 6 hours driving and short (thankfully our route) 45 minutes on the plane. No one thought it was odd I hadn't been to Buffalo when I lived in Brooklyn--same distance! I guess I made it up to Vermont enough....I don't know, I'm clearly rambling. I haven't felt the appeal I guess.

But now's my time! The kids are going with the grandparents, and we are going to be in a hotel for two whole days. If this trip goes how I want it to go, I won't actually see much of LA. I hope to spend the weekend in the hotel. If your mind has gone to some scintillating place when I mentioned a weekend in a hotel with my husband, the pathetic fact is that my excitement has to do with the option of uninterrupted sleep in a big fluffy hotel bed. I'm sure we'll be bored enough to do a little sight seeing. Maybe I'll catch a glimpse of someone famous (one thing I miss about living in NY is my "sightings”), go to a restaurant, drink wine, see a museum, catch up with a few friends...but that is IT. The husband and I have a tendency to overdue it on vacations. I refuse to repeat our history of leaving a hotel in the morning, and not getting back home till after dinner more tired than I was before leaving home. Every nook and cranny of LA does not need to be explored.

I will relax if it kills me.

Monday, March 09, 2009

The Good and the Bad and the Ugly

Here is my latest observation about my family life. When we are all running on all cylinders, it is all really good. It is busy, and it feels like it is just barely doable, but we do and we do more than good. We do great. The kids are well, my job/family balance is where I want it to be, my marriage is attended too through adult time with the help of grandparents and hired babysitters. Movies are even making their appearance again (I LOVE movies. Going to the movies is one of my favorite things to do, and I am glad to see this option creeping back into my world).

But when something is off, even off just a little bit, we all go to the dark side. Take last week, for a random example. I was geared to take my final licensing exam(Passed! Finally!),I felt stressed and had trouble sleeping. As a result, I got a big cold and stopped sleeping again so I could have hacking coughing fits at night. Add my first reason for not sleeping to my second and images of failing my exam due to bronchitis permeated my unsleeping brain. Because of my apparent inability to function due to the aforementioned medical and emotional issues, the husband was waking up with the little ones early in the morning, since dragging my sorry ass out of bed was not happening. The husband became all run-down too and we were all snappy snappy with each other, “I’m so tired” “No. I’M so tired.” “I do so much” “Not as much as me!” and on and on. I mean really, we both do so much and we both want someone to rub us and tell us how great we are, but that person is too busy with so much to do that everyone feels unappreciated.

All is well again. The husband and I had a gooey love fest, “You’re so great!” “No you are the one who is sooo great!” My cough has faded to the background. Husband doesn't have to take care of me acting like a child (I get a little needy when I am sick) or soley attend to the real children in the AM. I passed the exam. Quinn got into pre-school (yay!) and I am here able to process what the hell happened. Can a little stress and a cold derail my family so much that we feel stressed and grumpy for 5 days? Well…sort of these days. Yes, I think. I am always close to running on empty; I just don’t have option anymore for colds and added stress.

But they come. I hope to deal a little better in the future!