My Cerclage

In September 2005, I was pregnant with twin girls. I lost my pregnancy at 19 weeks apparently due to my "incompetent cervix." I became pregnant again and wrote all about it on this blog. I now have a wonderful son. Since bed rest, anxiety and cerclage were so much fun, I've decided to do it all again.....

Monday, November 12, 2007

Legitimate Pet Peeve or Bitchy Pregnant Lady?

Everyone has pet peeves, but here is one that makes my blood boil. It’s always made my blood boil.

I HATE it when people take a table at a café before ordering their food. You know, put their stuff down and have their friend save the table. The table that everyone already in line has a legitimate claim too. It happened this weekend. It practically ruined my one-cup-of-caffeinated-coffee-happy-moment. In this case, the offenders were at the end of a long line of people in a very crowded sparsely furnished cafe. I saw the table when we walked in. I noticed it was nice and large and perfect for a pregnant lady and a stroller and a husband and a Sunday Times. I understood that there were two of us so one could save the table while the other ordered. I was tempted, but I refrained because I think it is the wrong café etiquette in these situations (here I nod emphatically).

In walked a group of singles. One of them sat the table and casually threw down their Sunday NY Times. Another sat and shrugged. The rest stayed in line. Grrrrr.

I used to sometimes say things in these situations, but unfortunately, saying something never made me feel better. People never respond with the "Oh, right. You are totally right. Thank you for pointing that out to me. I wish someone had enlightened me earlier. You know what? You’re a really good person." They just sort of look at you like "Crazy uptight bitch." Furthermore, I did say something one time and the person did say sorry and got up and even that was totally unsatisfying. I ended up feeling guilty and started spewing, “It’s no big deal. Stay.” Even uttering a dreadful, “Sorry!”

Now I have settled on this totally not useful passive aggressive thing where I say loudly, "That is so rude,” while staring at offenders and shaking my head disappointedly. If any one of them actually looks at me as if to speak, I look away red faced and caught. None of this is good.

Luckily,on Sunday, another table opened after we ordered. I still couldn't help staring daggers throughout my meal. And like I mentioned, I almost took no enjoyment from my one-cup-o-day.

Anyway, if any of you are fond of this practice, let me just say to you, it's rude. It is just rude and unfair. I don’t know that people always get that this is an obvious rude thing. But it is. Especially in well known popular bakeries on Sunday morning. Please don't do it. You might be causing some hormonal nightmare of a pregnant lady a lot of undue stress.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Reality Bites

I knew I wasn't up for this blogging everyday stuff. Good thing I didn't sign up.

Here's my latest keep-me-up-at-night-with-you're-a-no-good-mommy-thoughts. At nearly 17 weeks, my multiple perinatologists like to tell me I am entering the "danger zone" for IC, and that I have to be very careful these next few weeks. In fact, they've been giving me a lot of guff in general about my activity level, "its fine for now, but everything is ultrasound to ultrasound." I hate that. Long story short, to deal with these issues, we've had to put Quinn in babysitting fulltime since being alone with him, for me, is not an option. It's an option for a little while, but inevitably he needs to be picked up and I can't do that. This is where I say “why do we live 3,000 miles away from helpful grandparents??”

Luckily, we have the most fabulous babysitter, who I know takes amazing care of Quinn. Thing is, she takes him away for babysitting. We're in a sharecare with another family. Our nanny has a sister who nannies, and a mom who nannies and all the kids get together everyday with their caretakers, mostly at this one house. Which is not our house. Why can't they all hang here? It's just difficult. Quinn is the new kid in this already established situation, and honestly, our dog is a menace and we're not totally childproofed or have the space that the other family has. Now, don't get me wrong. I love what this situation does for Quinn. He has learned so much from the other kids and this family our babysitter belongs too is fantastic. Really, he is getting so much more than I can provide for him right now (trips to the beach, the zoo, socialization, activity). So much more, except that he is not getting his mother!! And it breaks my heart. I think I am feeling this acutely since he was away all weekend, and yesterday he was so tired and jetlagged he probably would have benefited from a quiet day at home. But that's not in the cards right now. Yessir we are in a fulltime childcare situation and it is just not what I imagined for my kids.

The OB says that I am just going through now what every mom goes through when they have their second and can't be there for their first the way they were, "just a few months early". Plus she made a good point about how disrupting it is for the first child when the second comes along, and that if we have some things we can keep stable in his life (i.e. his friends and his babysitter) that’s good. And certainly, he seems happier than ever, gleefully waving good-bye when they leave for their day of excitement. His share-care friend is Audrey. While he can't say much, he often chants "aud-dey, aud-dey" out of nowhere. Finally, the point the husband makes is that he and our babysitter are primarily taking care of Quinn, its true, but I am taking care of the other one. Just inside the belly. He says, "if you couldn't do this because you were breastfeeding the new baby, you wouldn't feel nearly so bad. You are simply doing what you need to do to keep this one safe." All of these rationalizations make a lot of sense. They do. Unfortunately, they feel like cold comfort when I realize that I am only seeing my baby a few hours in the morning and in the evenings on week days.

I love high risk pregnancy.

Saturday, November 03, 2007

I'm Free! To Do What I Want! Any Old Time...

The husband and the baby are in NYC. I am here in San Francisco. They went for the weekend. I was supposed to go, but Dr.Cerclage put the kibosh on traveling. I've had to sit at home by myself. It is torturous to watch TV in the daytime (something totally forbidden with Quinn around), get a pedicure, go to the movies, go out to dinner AND stay up until midnight. And lest I forget, sleep in. Just till 8:30-it’s all I can manage. This body is used to waking up for child rearing.

I am so tired with pregnancy that it is really nice to have the weekend to put my feet up. Even with the fact I am doing less with Quinn due to high risk pregnancy, I am still dead tired after a day of ushering him around the house and playing on the floor.

I do miss them, but to say that I am not enjoying the break would mean lying. I'm not a liar. Plus, a daddy/son weekend is a good thing. I hereby declare they should do a father/son weekend every year. Just for fun. Yes. Daddy should take the kids (notice how I slipped in a plural) away every year and leave me be. I'll have to tell the husband. A declaration.

Tonight, "Lars and the Real Girl". Tomorrow, a play. Monday, back to real life.

If you blog everyday, are you a little boring? I feel a little boring....

Friday, November 02, 2007

You're a Good Man

I am very proud of us for making Quinn's Halloween costume. Actually, I am very proud of the husband for making his Halloween costume. By "making" the costume, I mean cutting up an old t-shirt and gluing it to a new sweatshirt ($4 at Old Navy!) It might not sound like much, but had I tried to do it, a disaster would have happened. I swear. I am totally incapable of this kind of thing. Thus, the pride. In the husband. Which I get to take credit for. Happy Halloween (a few days late)!

Sorry the picture is so I said, technical difficulties. Really, its MAC difficulties since "blogger" is so PC friendly. MAC wants you to do things in their MAC world. It's boring and I am not so interested in spending the time needed to figure this all out so this little poor quality picture will have to do for now.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

To Join or Not to Join

Today I was going about my business checking up on the blogosphere as usual. Seems every blog I read has committed to this NaBloPoMo business--this craziness of posting every day for a month. My first reaction was excitement that I will get to read so much material without the disappointment of no new posts. I hate no new posts. I didn't commit to this foolery of daily posting myself. No way, not me. I’m not one to put undue pressure on myself. Still, in the back of my mind I kept thinking I should post something today. No reason. Just ‘cause its been a little while. You know.

I decided on posting the cutest picture of Quinn in his Charlie Brown costume. He was so adorable yesterday I can't get over it. We took advantage of the fact that at 14 months, he has little hair and what he does have is pretty fair. He made a perfect Charlie Brown for Halloween. And here in San Francisco Halloween is bigger than Christmas so it was a great fun day. But I was foiled by technical difficulties. The picture is not posted. During this very frustrating process, I thought, forget it! Why do I care? If its not going to happen, it’s not going to happen. No post tonight. No biggy. No reason I need to post today.

It's after Grey's Anatomy, which means it is after 10pm. At this point in the evening I am usually happily and safely under the covers, all bedtime rituals complete. But here I am feeling the need to post something. Today. Before midnight. Hmmmm….

I guess we'll see what happens tomorrow.