My Cerclage

In September 2005, I was pregnant with twin girls. I lost my pregnancy at 19 weeks apparently due to my "incompetent cervix." I became pregnant again and wrote all about it on this blog. I now have a wonderful son. Since bed rest, anxiety and cerclage were so much fun, I've decided to do it all again.....

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

It's Hard Out There for a Dog

Help me! When did it become normal for my head to rest on a pile of blocks? And the petting. It's changed. It's more like tiny pinches as I watch my skin twist and tufts of hair waft into the air. Groan. At least I get away with more licks than usual. The food situation has improved, too. More droppings are to be found for sure. But the doggy pats and the this bed of blocks must be addressed. Look at me! Can't you see I am suffering??

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Inside Day

I was sick! We all were--baby and the husband, too. Yes, they were having a tough time, but as always, when blog post is rumbling, it is all about me. Confined to my home due to illness, I felt myself in familiar territory. So. I like my job pretty well, but like most people, an unexpected day off is a good thing, right?

I know I've mentioned not having enough time to do my job as adequately as I should (or could if I were willing to work more hours) before. When I arrive at work, I check my many messages, my email, and then, like whirling dervish, I am off. I am either seeing patients, charting or on the phone all day. I feel like I blink and it is 5pm and I am desperately trying to leave with notes unwritten, phone calls still to be made and "sign-out" to my colleague undone. But whatever, I get out on time because it's time to see my guy. The long point is that my day goes by very quickly.

First the husband was sick. Sore throat. Yuck. It seemed like he was sick for days and days on end. Then I got it. Mine was a sore throat/cough combo. Then baby. The poor little guy had a sore throat/cough/fever mix. Then me again. Fever Sunday night. Fever Monday morning. I stomped and huffed. Finally, in a weirdly primly way, I said, "That is it! I will not feel this way anymore!" I called in sick. I called the nanny and said, "Don't come!" I decided to have a mommy/baby INSIDE day. We would nap, play, eat and hang inside all day. By the end of this day of rest we would become better. I was kind of happy not to have to deal with the hustle of work. It was an unexpected day off.

By 3pm I was so insane with boredom that I said very loudly, "I wish I were at work." WHAT??! It's not that I don't love the bonding with the baby. But, you see, usually my baby days I feel good. We do stuff. We go to the park. We go on walks. We drink caffeine. On our sick day, he was cranky--probably bored, too. How many times can you play peek-a-boo, really? I felt like shit and and I was just so…so having a hard time sitting around all day (especially if you have a no TV rule like we do)....HEY! Wait a minute?! Maybe it was so hard to sit around because I was having some sort of traumatic memory that makes sitting around extra hard for me.

The point of this story (sorry, I am two glasses of wine into my evening) is, I thank God that I am not on bed rest anymore and that I have such a wonderful baby who makes me so sublimely happy. I was all complainly about being tired from my workdays, but a taste of the couch put some perspective back into my life. I am so so so so so so s so so so so lucky to have such a wonderful boy and such a wonderful husband. And even though I am ashamed to admit that INSIDE day was harder in some ways than being at work (By the way, it was a success. We got better), I will say that it truly does make me love how happy all my days are (as opposed to how unhappy they were). And I am very much looking forward to my day off on Memorial Day--blue sky and all.