My Cerclage

In September 2005, I was pregnant with twin girls. I lost my pregnancy at 19 weeks apparently due to my "incompetent cervix." I became pregnant again and wrote all about it on this blog. I now have a wonderful son. Since bed rest, anxiety and cerclage were so much fun, I've decided to do it all again.....

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Playing with Fire

What I did this week:

1. I drank half a glass of red wine. I planned on drinking the whole damn thing, but its been so long I felt buzzed and flushed after only half.

2. I ordered and ate eggs cooked over easy at a restaurant.

3. I went out to sushi for a friend's birthday and had approximately 5 pieces of uncooked fish.

4. I lifted Quinn 3 times up and down the stairs and 1 time out of his crib. (He's sick! Ear infection, fever, cough--the works!)

5. I walked several blocks Christmas shopping both Saturday and Sunday.

I have an ultrasound on Friday. Wish me good luck. I will (hopefully) be 23 weeks along.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I'm Fat

I work with a bunch of women on their first pregnancies. This is my third pregnancy in a pretty short period of time. This multiple pregnancy thing is my excuse for the gynormousness of my body and belly. These ladies, so young--they are mostly just reaching 30, and so pretty (what is it about medical residents--specifically pediatric residents? They’re all chipper and pretty and graduates of Ivy League schools and medical schools. I hate them.) They have that thing where you can't tell they’re pregnant until they are at least 5 months along. One if them is about 10 weeks ahead of me. When I was 14 weeks, our bellies were similarly sized. She was 24 weeks. Now at 22 weeks (yay!!) we are STILL (I think) similarly sized. I avoid the one with the same due date all together. How embarrassing. Everyone likes to point out how we are due the same day. After that, I think I note uncomfortable silence as they take in the difference in our sizes.

Side note: This mini rant I’m about to do is a post for another day, but it IS amazing how these bright young women are so clueless about some of the things they oh-so-confidently and insensitively spout to families. It’s amazing how differently the few who have children address parent’s concerns compared to those who don’t.

Peri gave me a talk last appointment, “you are a little off the curve.” I looked at her hopefully, “I should eat more?” She narrowed her eyes as if she doesn’t like to be played with, “not of the curve that way.” Then she went into this whole thing about not gaining weight so quickly and being careful. Peri happens to be overweight herself so I resisted saying, “why don’t YOU go on a diet??” Especially since I had lost all the excess between Quinn’s birth and this pregnancy. I mean, this is really a pregnant problem, not a me problem.

Thing is, I am just…SO HUNGRY. I used to go to restaurants and often crave salad (pre-pregnancy), now I routinely ask, “do fries come with that?” I am just an eater in pregnancy. I get really freakin' hungry every few hours. Actually, I’ve always been an eater, never one to really diet, but overall, it comes out okay. I feel fine when not growing a child. I exercise, eat pretty well and I don’t have to suffer like so many of my brethren with rigid eating and weird weight consciousness and attention. How exhausting.

Yes, really. There is just no way to make any adjustments anywhere. While that prior sentence is a bald face lie, I will admit it is very hard for me to “slow down”. The only thing I have managed to do is stop eating Milkeyways from the fully stocked candy bowel at work.

I think that’s plenty of effort. But can I still eat french fries AND still bitch and moan about how I hate being fat? Why yes. I decide yes. It's my blog and I'll cry if I want too:)

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

The Latest and Greatest

I have to admit to no blogging inspiration lately. Even now I am forcing myself to get something up because it's been too long. Far too long.

I am (finally) over not lifting and carrying the little man. For one thing, I can spend a lot more time with him alone now that he is walking. The hours I need to have him with the nanny are slightly fewer. Not much fewer, but shorter enough that I feel a LOT better about my time with him. I also understand now that he really enjoys his time with his pals and with his nanny. I have multiple instances to use as evidence of this new understanding, but suffice to say, the kid is happy. What more can a mother want? It’s true what Peri said when she told me this would be way worse on me than on him.

It also helps that I like my job a lot lately. It's good for me, if I can't be with Q, to have something that makes me feel like I add value in some way. This is me we are talking about. When I first learned I couldn’t lift Quinn did I tell myself this circumstance was beyond my control and not my fault? Nope. My most critical self was sneering, “You are a failure as a mother! You can’t even care for your own child!” Luckily I have other voices too (not actual voices! I’m not psychotic!) which disarm that yucky one. Still, given my makeup, I know that my work life helps to mitigate the evil sneer voice. And since my hours are reduced, I never work more than 5 hours a day. Very manageable. OMG if I were on bed rest I would be such a catastrophe. An honest to god horrible catastrophe of horridness.

Finally, the very good news is that we had an ultrasound today and my cervix, at nearly 21 weeks of cooking, measures 3.7cm, long and closed!!! Woohhoo!! Jump up and down! Only a person with my history finds it necessary to write my cervical length as the most important news of my ultrasound.

We actually found out a few weeks ago, but it was confirmed again today that I’m having a girl. I am thrilled, but I truly didn’t care. I grew up with 4 brothers, no sisters. I love Quinn with all my heart. Boys are fine with me. But did I mention I am thrilled? I am.