Still Pregnant

I'm here, I'm cerclage free, and I am still pregnant.

Now that you know the main facts, I will now bitch about my issues with anesthesia. Yesterday was mostly fine. The anesthesiologist appeared competent. She was very attentive when I told her that I felt sensation (to say the least) when the cerclage was placed in October. I forgot to tell her my other side effect, which is that my blood pressure plummets and I get totally nauseated. They call it a "vagal response.” There’s something about all these needles—needles in my veins, needles drawing blood, needles in my spinal cavity. I really hate it and I get very panicky. Especially when I can’t breath and think I’m about to throw up. So, as I said, Dr. Anesthesiologist was very attentive and pushed some other stuff into the IV when I started saying, “I can’t breathe!” and “I feel like I need to puke.” I don’t know what she did, but those drugs made me feel better than I have in weeks. It is the only good thing I will say about the anesthesia.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the blue screen draped between my head and the rest of my body, Dr. Cerclage was taking his time trying to get his famous stitch out. He told me he was about to give up hunting (which means I’d be scheduling a c-section) when, “aha!,” he finally saw a little piece of thread he could grab hold of. Snip. Dr. C then asked if my throat hurt because "that's how far up the stitch was."

I immediately dilated one centimeter. "I'll give you the first one for free, you have to work for the rest," Dr. C announced. He says these obnoxious-sounding things, but he is so twinkle eyed and caring and paternal that you can't help not minding one bit. I was out of the stirrups and out of the operating room in 20 minutes total.

But I digress. The anesthesia took forever to wear off. Twenty minutes in the OR but hours in the recovery room waiting for the drugs to get out of my system. I was wiped last night from all the drugs but happily had my first good night sleep in weeks.

Unfortunately, story doesn't end here.

Today I had the worst headache since my bout with meningitis when I was 8 years old. It lasted all day and was an awful, throbbing pain that made me totally incapable of doing anything but moan. I was nauseated. I finally left work. I called the husband and he could tell I was beside myself. He called Dr. Cerclage’s trusty assistant. She called me immediately and told me I was having a "spinal headache" and that I needed to go back to the hospital right away and get a "blood patch." I did as I was told. It sucked. It involved ANOTHER IV, another needle in my back and another needle in my arm. A new anesthesiologist drew blood from my arm and immediately squirted it into my back—to “patch” the leaky hole in my spinal column that was giving me that headache. Disgusting. But the headache is gone.

I swear to God I am considering natural childbirth just to avoid all the needles. If I went into labor tonight, there is no way would let anyone near me with another syringe. Famous last words…..

Removal

My husband read my last post, and rather than tell me how sorry he felt for me and empathize with my situation--of which he is intimately involved--he said, "Aren't you going to write about the fact that your cerclage is coming out on Monday?" I replied a little wounded, that my cerclage removal wasn't what was "coming up" during last post's process. He responded, again, quite unsympathetically, "But your blog is called 'My Cerclage.'” Really. It’s as if that tidbit were enough to guilt me into actually writing about…well…about my cerclage.

The husband is right that I should post about this considering that removal is more intensive than last time. Dr. C made an incision to get it in, and it will be a minor surgery again to get it out. I'm having a spinal. Yuck. I hate that damn needle in my back. When we discussed it and I said as much, Dr.C, in his usual humble mode, pointed out that I can't have it both ways, "You don't get a stitch up to your ears and then think that you can take it out snip, snip." In fact, Dr. C says there is a chance he won't be able to get it out at all. That's another story, of which I won't bother telling unless I have too.

In other news, I am relieved to announce that I am blogging from my home after moving back today. There is STILL work to be done and we will remain in a bit of camping out status for a week or so, but being in my own bed is so sweet, and the house looks great.

Also, I am thrilled to be over 36 weeks with nary a day of bed rest all pregnancy. Wish me luck for my long day at the hospital waiting for the spinal to wear off so that I can go home, completely stich free and hang out with my little man. Thankfully, my mom is in town to be with him for the day so the husband can give me the much needed empathy I need:)

I'm Too Sensitive

For my job! Thank God it ends soon. Next week is my last week. I wish my last day were tomorrow. Last week was very intense. Intense is often a part of my work. It's just that now I am ill equipped to manage it. Hearing of terrible domestic violence, or poverty or, and this was unusual, a baby who died in intensive care...it is just too much. I'm too affected. Of course because I work in pediatrics there are always children involved. I just can't see their little faces and know some of the sad, sad truths about their lives right now. I sound very dramatic because, honestly, I often find my patients inspiring and I encounter a lot of hope at work. But as I said, I'm too sensitive these days. It’s funny how these aspects of pregnancy do turn out to be true. I cry at nothing. Everyone says you're more sensitive, but for some reason now, at the very end, it is really happening in a way I can really see. I don't often well up in tears because a patient tells me they're having trouble paying their rent. I'm serious. That happened. I shouldn't be interacting with these people anymore.

Monday night I slept very badly. On Tuesday my husband all but forced me to call in sick. It was a great idea. I had just finished reading The Other Boleyn Girl, which as far as I can tell, is one step above a trashy novel. It was sort of like a soap opera--everyone having sex and backstabbing each other. It was great. I'm back to my usual inability to read anything serious during pregnancy. Yesterday I went to the 11:45am showing of the movie. It stunk but that’s probably because after just reading the book I was bound to be disappointed. Still, the guilty pleasure aspect of going to a stupid movie after reading a stupid book wasn't lost. I needed it. Afterwards I picked up Q and spent the afternoon with him which was lovely, especially because I was well rested and in good spirits. Today back at work and my heart is not in it. My last day is Thursday the 27th.

It can't come soon enough.

Why Am I Awake?

Tell me? My husband is snoring next to me. The baby is asleep in his temporary room (oh yes, we are still living in the hovel. We will not be home until the weekend of March 22nd!!) I am totally exhausted.

Why I am awake?

I'm making a list:

1. I am living in a hovel.
2. I am nearly 34(!) weeks pregnant and my body does not get comfy easily at sleep time.
3. I am a terrible insomniac.I have been my whole life. In fact, I can't believe I haven't dedicated more blog time to my sleep issues. They're major.
4. I am filled with anxiety over nothing and everything (hence: sleep issues). A few of things I can do nothing about at midnight that make me worry: ruining my son's life with a new baby, preschool for said son, labor--this subject will get its own post soon, having two children under two, my unfinished house and my poor dog.

You know what? I'm really tired after writing all that. Maybe my list worked as good sleep hygiene.I am ready to put my issues to bed (no pun intended) and actually drift away to dream land.

I know you can't tell me why I am awake anyway.