My Cerclage

In September 2005, I was pregnant with twin girls. I lost my pregnancy at 19 weeks apparently due to my "incompetent cervix." I became pregnant again and wrote all about it on this blog. I now have a wonderful son. Since bed rest, anxiety and cerclage were so much fun, I've decided to do it all again.....

Monday, August 25, 2008

More Birthday News

Mamma had a birthday, too. A half-way to 70 birthday. Yesterday. August 24. Here's a story:

Saturday was Q's 2nd year birthday party. The husband announced to me that we had dinner reservations that night for my birthday. I said, "But my birthday is tomorrow." and "It's 5 o'clock and I just had a cupcake and a hot dog! I won't be hungry." He was all soothy, "My folks are already babysitting." "It will be nice and relaxing." "Time to celebrate YOU!"

By the time 8pm came, I received my first gift. The in-laws announced that they were taking both kids for the night. The whole night. OMG, OMG, OMG I was about to sleep through the night for the first time in 4 months. I was beside myself with happiness. I decided it was the best birthday ever for that reason alone.

I bounced out of their building thinking a nice dinner out sounded quite wonderful. Images of goblet's of red wine filled my brain.But then we got to said "dinner" location. It was a bowling ally. I was annoyed. I sort of guessed something might be up when we arrived for bowling, and even then, I was put-out. I had worked myself into excitement over civilized eating. Eating where I didn't have to make nice with anyone and someone pampered me. The husband said, "it's just you and me. I thought it would be fun. Something different." I sighed and recalled the husband telling me I forgot socks when we left. I had looked down at my strappy shoes, and said, "socks?"

See, but then present number 2 happened. I walked into the bowling ally and saw two lanes filled with my closest friends. And they were partying like it was 1999. It warmed my heart. Really, I saw them all and got a little misty eyed. When they saw me, there was much jumping up and down and hugging and there was a beer put in my hand and with my smile not at all tentative I proceded to have the BEST bowling birthday party EVER!

But that is not all. Present number 3 arrived when I woke up the next morning to my spa day. 3 blissful hours of spa treatment. I came home afterwards and the husband and the kids were still not back. I went on a long run.

I loved my 24 hours off of mommy time, but I could not have been happier to see my little people at day's end. My husband got big wet kisses and lots of "you are the best husband who threw me the best party and gave me the best spa day and the best break from parenting!" You'd think he'd be thrilled by this attack of glee and kisses, but he was all squirming away.

Seriously, though. By the time it was time for my birthday dinner, nothing sounded more luxurious than Chinese food with my family.

Happy Birthday to me!

Thursday, August 21, 2008

He Must Be Two

Today officially ends the reign of "two under 2". My little man is having his birthday today. His sister went to the babysitter and my guy and I have had a great day together (he'll celebrate with his friends over the weekend). I can't help but notice some decidedly 2-like behavior, I guess to make sure as if I didn't already know, that he is actually 2. Every time there is a tantrum or the word "no!" is uttered, or some other grasp at independence is observed, I find myself smiling and saying "Is somebody 2? Seems like somebody is 2 years old!"

Even though mighty miss O was awake for half the night last night--she is happy, she just wants to yell and smile instead of sleep--and conversely so was her mommy, I feel like things are getting easier. I'm not sure why. Maybe just because she is becoming so much more lovable as she wakes up to the world, and little Q appears to finally accept her place in our family.

Happy birthday to my big boy!

Friday, August 15, 2008


I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. We were lucky enough to spend a week in the land of island breezes with the two kids--we got back from Hawaii nearly a week ago. The jet lag and the 4 month old who thinks it's time to wake up for the day at 4am are killing me.

This is what happens. Tired and cranky I drag myself to bed way later than I should. Who knew fencing and synchronized diving are so addicting? And to Michael Phelps I say, "Damn you!"

Anyway, I finally drag sorry self to bed. When the light goes off after a little bedtime reading, I start down a fruitless road that does no one any good. I think about how little miss will wake me up so I should really be asleep. It starts with worry about the upcoming night, then turns to worry about the next morning and then on and on about how I will be a mess and never sleep again. Once this anxiety is engaged in, it happens that every single noise (I try to say he's snoring, but maybe it is husband's loud breathing that bothers me) is as if someone is right at my ear torturing me. Eventually I get to sleep, but sometimes it takes a few hours. And horrifically, given my love of keeping myself awake, I go through the whole thing again after feeding little miss--not every night, just some nights.Add to this baby and 2 year old having their own sleep issues, and well. You can only imagine how fun I am in the morning. Yes, babies and insomnia are NOT a good mix.

The kids are both mercifully napping right now. Now I go to do the same.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

On Having Two

I finally reached out to a few friends who also have two kids.

Here are some quotes:

"Two is really friggin hard, let me tell you; I'm amazed I'm not living in Rio under an assumed name."

"Two kids is kicking our ass."

And this response from a dear friend (and mother of two) when I chose to rant about how hard my life had become:

"Keep your eyes on the prize. Every day/week/month you get through is a glorious victory. It will get better and it will go by much faster than Q's first 4 months. And then you will ferberize the hell out of her in a few short days and forget the incredible suffering you experienced and move on with your life and fast."

I really love the lack of sentimentality on that one. I'm not kidding. I do. I love it.

Then there is the moms group where a lot of moms have kids slightly older than Q and newborns similarly aged as baby O. One mom finally admitted that the hours late in the afternoon were hard for her (now I know why it is "happy hour" at 5. Because honestly? The end of the day, say around 4pm when nap time is a long ago memory and bedtime isn't till 8pm? Yeah. That is the longest freakin' hour of the day. 4pm to 5pm. I was wondering how people got through it, and then I realized, oh! "Happy" hour). Finally, one honest mom said, "Late afternoon? I'm counting the hours till bedtime immediatly after she wakes from her nap!"

Despite this negative tone, it is all wonderful too. Especially when Q is making baby O cackle her little head off and you, as a parent, realize they have a relationship totally their own already. There are other aspects of joy as well. The love you have for these little beings is so beyond amazing it is impossible for me to put into words. But that said, I am really glad to have the above quotes to know that I am not alone in the toddler newborn struggle. Really, everything would be fine with a few good nights of sleep (now a distant memory).

The sad part is that even as I write all of this, I get that it will be over before I know it. And knowing me, I'll even miss it:)